Chapter 3: my new bitch (life) is not good
I the great Dr. Heinz Doofensh- *cough* No, that's not right?
The great, the great,
.
.
.
Nathan Drake?
No?
Hmm, well, the great someone, cause apparently you forget shit when you're stuck in a soundless dark void, you forget stuff.
Well, I hope I didn't forget something important.
Including my NAME, but I guess that's for the better cause in this bi- *cough* life of mine. I'm probably going to have a new one.
Fun fact: Did you know, babys are always awake in their mothers womb? No?
Well, I am always awake, and it's starting to take a toll on my mental health.
Psh, who wants to have good mental health? Anyway, it's overrated.
I'm not going to need it in the place I'm going anyway.
So it's better that's it's going anyway.
It's a shame I'll miss Bob.
Onto what goes in here, in a womb.
Well, it's pretty much a void. The only thing different is that some ASSHOLE sometimes pokes me with his finger, like wtf are people doing this poking thing with a pregnant woman's stomach Anyway.
Does it turn people on? Does it feel good? No? Then why the fuck is someone poking me at random times.
I know it's not my "mother," so when I'm going to get out of here, I'm going to find out who is poking me, then I'm going to plan somthing super fun for me but mentaly fucked up for that asshole, you know like the plan lucifer hatched in season 5 I think, to mess with Dan.
*Time skip*
It's been a week since I've gone through birth and the 5 stages of grief.
First of all, being born while being conscious is torture, and demons probably use it as some way to torture bad people in some hell.
And I'm happy to say I'm not having a kid for life.
Onto the reason why I went to the 5 stages of grief.
You know how sometimes you have this little tiny hope that's something good is going to happen, but your mind says it ain't happening.
Well, my tiny hope basically something bad happened to it.
If you're really curious, well let's just say the ROB that reincarnated me stood up, pulled his pants down, shoved his dick through truck-kun, then he got creative and tied my dead corps from my last life on truck-kuns front, then he ra*ed that tiny hope until it died.
You may think I'm exaggerating but no, that idiot fuck reincarnated me in the smith family, aka Rick's family, aka I'm fucked.
Because the chance that Rick's going to find something weird or me dying early went through the roof? Heaven? Dimension?
I don't know, fuck this shit, fuck my life.
You know, one of my regrets about the wish I made from life was that I didn't ask to fuck the avatar of life, I wish I did but Sadly I didn't.
Anyway, onto brighter news, there is one thing I'm grateful for and it's that I'm not morty.
Oh, thank RS (Rob's supperiors) that I'm not morty.
Could you imagine that? I'd probably be Simple Rick but the morty version. Also, I'd be the most miserable morty.
Probably in a loop memory of meeting ROB.
The bad news is that I'm not sure which rick is my rick. Is it the one pretending to be c-137? Is it the one that died and was replaced? Or do I have a completely different rick.
Another good news is that I'm going to be Morty's older brother. Thank RS.
Also, did you know that summer wasn't a bitch when she was little?
Cuase all I can see is a cute, adorable big sister.
I'm assuming anyway, I was an orphan in my last life, so most of my standards heavily rely on comics (also manga, manhua, manhwa), movies, TV shows , and anime.
Now the next bad news, I as I've already told you was an orphan in my last life and for a moment, a really really tiny one thought that I was going to have a good and Normal family in this new life of mine.
Well fuck it, who needs family anyway right?
(*Vin diesel raises his hand*2 seconds pass *The author (that's me) grabs his hands, lowers it, and shakes his head*)
Now onto the reason why I'm doing monologues in my head, it's that I figured it out you creepy fucks, I know you're watching me, well not watching but reading me, yeah I know I'm in a fucking fanfic.
How'd I figured it out? Well, it's simple, really.
Here's my reasons listed below:
1. I was an orphan in my last life.
2. This is my second life.
3. All this crazy situations I'm in.
4. All my shitty luck
5. The fact that was any wish granting at all, and that my ish was granted.
6. Do I need to go on?
I think I said enough.
Now, onto my demands, from the author, first things first you're going to make me super handsome.
(AN: Should I start taking notes? Nah fuck him, he can't do shit to me anyway)
Second, you're going to give me a Big brother in the little brother department, no wait I changed my mind make it a BIG DADDY.
[INSET BIG DADDY MEME(from bioshock)]
then you're going to make it so that my mind can't be read, controlled etc.
And my final demand is that don't fuck with my life too much, don't write any bathroom, bedroom scene. That's all.
And if you think I can't do any shit to any of you, I'm going to snitch on everyone to rick, about the whole real 4th wall thing, I'm sure even if I get fucked he will come for you little shits.
[Insert Listen here, you little shit meme]
Now Tata, go on, leave me alone, unless you like about someone getting their diapers changed.
And BEFORE you judge me, let me tell you, it's not under my control, I hope you know, and as you're going, I'm assuming the chapter's ending, so um, Bye?
===================
AN: well, that escalated quickly.
You know I was never that good at confrontation anyway.
I hope you enjoyed the chapter, I'm going to go write another one now, um bye?
[Insert Haha im in danger meme]
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