Chapter 11: Chapter 11
The school bell rang, awakening Haru from her daze, just in time as her adviser collected her answer sheet for the test. The class had become noisy as they prepared to leave school and enjoy their freedom. But Haru just sat there, still picking up what had happened, rewiring her brain to accept the world again.
"Listen, everyone!" her advisor, Ms. Tomoya, told them. "Remember! Your long quiz may be over, but you still have to pass that compilation folder. If you don't pass it by the end of the weekend, then you will still fail this subject even if you pass this exam."
"Oh, come on, sensei!" the class simultaneously grumbled, followed by typical classroom laughter that made the teacher smile. They were a big family – all friendly, all joyous. But like every family, a black sheep sat at the table. Her name was Haruhi Kinomoto – someone not special, someone unknown.
Haru was the last one to leave. She couldn't bear being submerged in a herd of people as they fight to the exit. Close contact, loud noises, especially the unwanted yells and inhuman laughter, sickened and suffocated her. She preferred to exit by herself, safe in her own space, secured in her little circle.
Still, being a loner was tiring. Introverts too needed company sometimes; asocial people needed intimacy from time to time. Human beings were born to be social, some too much, others only with the right amount. She was no Hachiman Hikigaya who reveled in such isolation. She wanted friends too, people whom she could enjoy the world with. People who wouldn't let her feel being alone.
As she walked in the hallways, she saw a classmate by the name of Rima, chatting with her gal pals. The girls talked about a recently-opened resort in the south, complete with white sand and crystal clear water. They planned to have themselves a little early summer vacation. Haru didn't like beaches. The sand was annoying and those tiny spiral shells poked her feet underwater. Then there were the sunburn and the stinging brine, not to mention going home would be a piece of work. Even so, this was what other people liked, and Haru desperately wanted to belong. Her uncle worked in that resort, so Haru could get them a discount which would make them happy.
Rima was also her partner during the previous science experiment. Hopefully, it was enough for her to be considered a friend.
"R-Rima-san?" Haru, after digging up all of her courage to approach her, said.
"Oh hi, Kinomoto-san," Rima replied before going back to chatting with her friends.
"I... ummm…" Haru stammered, desperately trying to continue the conversation. But her words escaped her and her courage was quickly drained.
"Oh, I'm sorry," answered Rima. "Is there something you would like to say?"
Haru wanted to ask if she could join their little escapade. But what was she thinking? These thrill-seeking girls would never want her in their group. She would only ruin their well-planned vacation.
She wished she could like these things sociable people loved, like being at the mall, beach, or fancy restaurants. To document every food, clothing, and adventure she had and post them online. She also wished she was born with the wit to banter with people and make them laugh. She wished she could talk long hours without stuttering or saying the stupidest of things. But she couldn't. She just didn't have the common touch. She was weird and odd; a great chore to hang out with. Her eccentricities were a topic of gossip. She was the outcast nobody liked.
Oh Haru, you fool. Knock yourself on the head five times and move on.
"It's nothing. I just wanted to tell you to enjoy your weekend."
"Awe. Thank you, Kinamoto-san."
Haru continued her walk of shame, wanting to smash her face on the concrete wall. How stupid was she to approach Rima – to actually try – knowing it would fail. This was not her first rodeo, nor was it her first time being kicked by a bull to the face. Yet she never learned, she was just too stupid. One mistake was an accident, two could still be salvaged, but repeating the same mistake meant she was a natural-born dumbass. Thankfully, this one ended quickly with no further humiliation. She got lucky it was not as suicide-causing as her other more embarrassing attempts to connect to people.
A human body appeared out of nowhere, and it was too late for her to stop. She bumped nose-first into someone's chest, taking her off her thoughts. "Oh sorry about that, Kinamoto-san."
The boy who greeted her was another classmate, the cute hazel-eyed Akihisa. The guy was far from the most handsome boys in her school. However, he had his own thing that made him special, from being a varsity player, to his shaggy dark brown hair that complimented his eyes. Haru admitted she used to have a little crush on him but kept it to herself. She did want to be his friend though, he seemed kind and well-behaved. And when their history teacher paired them together to research the life of the samurai Kawakami Gensai, Haru thanked the heavens for being given that chance.
"H-Hey, Akihisa-kun," Haru said blushing. "O-Oh… umm… how is your research going? I hope you are doing well. I-I've found this manuscript on the internet which would surely help us in–"
"Oh that?" laughed Akihisa. "It looks like Banri-sensei has forgotten to tell you. But we're not partners anymore."
"Huh?"
"Sorry but I'm partners with Makoto-chan now. Nagato-san is your new partner."
Before she could respond, a group of other boys wearing basketball jerseys called out to Akihisa. "I have to go to practice now. See ya!" Akihisa said.
As quickly as he appeared, the young boy was gone, leaving Haru alone, not knowing what to do. Makoto-chan, that pretty charismatic long-haired member of the school press, had replaced her. Akihisa was in love with her, so it made sense for him to ask the professor to make Makoto-chan his partner.
Of course he would, Akihisa was like any other normal guy. Haru just wished he had done it less hurtful than this. And he mentioned Nagato-san being her new partner? She had yet to hear from her, and the project had to be submitted by Monday. Nagato-san probably never even bothered to tell her, and was probably working on her research with another person. No one would want to work with Haru: the weird girl.
When she finally got out of the building, a green bulletin board on a stand caught her eye. It contained the latest ranking of every class in her institution. Anyone who was in the Top 10 was rewarded extensively by the school. However, her ranking had not changed. She was still below Top 20; a rank far from University-qualification. This rank was a patch of shame, signifying how useless she was. The rank destroyed any prospects of careers in medicine or engineering after high school.
Haru bit her lips and held her tears. This rank would earn her the ire of her father. She tried playing fair to pass. She tried to do her best. But she couldn't. She just couldn't. The world was against her. No one was her friend.
It was not Haru's intention to be this pessimistic. She didn't want to think like an edgy know-it-all. She frowned upon anything emo, cynical, or dramatic. In fact, she actually yearned for happiness. She wanted to be like other people; to laugh with them in their hang-outs and parties. Sadly, happiness was rare in her life. Meanwhile, its opposite, sadness, was in abundance.
Haru was racked with anxiety in her journey from school to home. The nasty words her father would throw pervaded in her head. It was always the same routine. Every day she would wake up and ask herself, "How will I disappoint people today?" And she seldom failed to fulfill this question.
She slid open the door of their wooden home, and raced towards her room. She wanted to delay her father's nagging.
"Haru!" her father called. She thought her old man would be in the living room watching television. But she failed to predict it was near evening, so her father would be in the kitchen between the door and her bedroom, fixing dinner. Her old man's pissed-off tone meant he already knew of Haru's recent failure.
"Don't think you can walk away. Get in here, now!"
Haru entered the kitchen, the yellow bulb shining brightly at her like a spotlight. Her father wore a black suit – the common uniform of every Japanese office worker. Her father was no ordinary employee though. He was the head of some department that was important, and the stress he experienced at work had made him bald. Now, nothing but a shiny brown dome surrounded by small curls of hairs, sat atop of his head.
She had heard of his strictness and mercilessness to his underlings, but now it was her turn to face his wrath. She was like in a courtroom, all eyes descending upon her. Her father served as the plaintiff, the judge, even the jury, and most importantly – the executioner. There was nowhere to run, no way to escape. She was doomed.
"The letter from the school was delivered today," her father said. "I can't believe that after getting home from work, you'll be giving me more stress!'
Haru said nothing and faced the floor. It was a notification on how well she'd been doing in school, containing everything from her recent grades, rank, and even behavior. Everything in it was bad news, from her low performance in academics, poor social skills in class, to even the hopeless suggestions from teachers who had given up on her. She tried making those letters stop coming. She even anticipated their arrival at the gate so she could rip them apart before her father sees them. Nothing worked however, her father would always beat her to it. And if Haru did succeed, her father was a meticulous fellow. He would ask for her grades straight from her advisor.
"Aren't you going to say anything? Did someone take your tongue away?"
What answer did he want from her? She had given it all in her studies. All those sleepless nights memorizing her notes, burning various books, practicing every math formula there was. Not to mention those times where she forbade herself from eating just to do more assignments and projects – anything to get some extra grades. She basically prostituted herself for her curriculum, and still, nothing came out but failure.
The standards of this elite academy were abysmal. Haru was a mediocre try-hard up against the genius privileged. The competition she had to face quashed any chance she got, especially that rank and yank, forced distribution style of performance evaluation, which made cutthroats of every student. She lost the fight before it even started.
"Everyone in this house is doing their best except you! The reason why you can't do well in your studies is because you keep filling your head with all this anime filth! Look at your older brother. It won't be long before he graduates from college. And how did he manage to reach that far? He let go of his childish hobbies and focused on his studies! It's not impossible, Haru. You just have to put your head in the right place!"
Ah yes, her father's nagging wouldn't be complete without her being compared to her superb brother. Why couldn't he realize they were leagues apart? Her brother, Ryūji, was gifted with intellect the moment he was born. Ever since elementary to high school, the honors and awards her older brother garnered were countless. He was currently studying at the Tokyo University, but everyone knew college was just another stage for him to win more recognition.
"Aren't you going to say anything? How much more are you going to disrespect me? I worked hard for you. I fed you, sheltered you, and did everything to make you happy. I've never asked for any payment for my sacrifices. All I wanted was for you to do better."
Did she ever ask him for these? Did she plead with her father to use his filthy penis on her mother to create her? She certainly didn't pray to be born into this household, nor did she want to be under his roof. She didn't want to sound ungrateful, but what could she do? Why couldn't her father understand? That what he planted would never be perfect. What he reaped, he sowed.
"You're not only disrespecting me. You're also disrespecting your mother. She died giving birth to you! Even if she was sick and dying, she asked the doctor to cut you out so that you could be saved because we believed you were something special. We hoped you could be someone who would do well in this world. But no, you wasted your mother's sacrifice!"
The low blow was too much, and Haru had had enough. He wanted her to open her mouth? Well here goes…
"I tried! I tried okay! What do you want me to do?! You have no idea… no idea… what I am going through! You just couldn't see it! You will never see it! Cause you're a selfish, heartless, senile, blind idiot!"
Haru was ready to spit more venom, but a mighty slap from her father prevented that. It was one terrible slap, loud enough to be heard outside, powerful enough to make sure her cheek would be swelling for the whole week.
She and her father then went their separate ways; him walking outside to get some sake, and Haru running towards her room sobbing. She would never – not even with all the therapies in the world – ever forget this event.
She laid down on her bed and continued crying. All of the things in her room that used to make her happy, like her manga collections, video games, and anime figurines, were not enough to cheer her up. She was tired of everything. From the people who look down on her like she was a rat they should stay away from. Hate-fueled parents who never understood her and were just there to add more grief to her already horrible life. Society in general where their only definition of "successful people" could survive, and where dirt like her was discarded.
She cried so much that she tried pressing her head on her pillow to die. This also failed as she raised her head gasping for air. If only life had a switch-off button or an "I quit" option, all the pain would be over.
Her eyes caught something under her desk – a brown box collecting dust. She left her bed to inspect it, allowing her to momentarily forget her problem. She remembered what the box was. It was something she bought online three months back. Inside of it was a black VRM.
Haru bought the machine because it was something that her brother, Ryūji, had. He talked a lot about this machine when he was at home. Her brother used it in his free time at the dormitory to visit this place called the Escapist Dream; a place where it was said that one could live the life of a real anime character.
Although Haru's father tended to compare her to Ryūji, she had nothing but admiration for her brother. He was a person of great culture; one who loved the good stuff like comics, anime, and video games. The guy was blessed. He could goof off in an anime convention for a week and would still pass his exams. If only Haru was that smart, she could be happier and enjoy life more.
She needed something to get her mind off this dilemma. She needed time away from this cruel world. Why not enjoy her weekend in the place where everything she ever wanted could happen? Where all fantasies could be possible? Most importantly, she could be with her older brother. That way, she wouldn't be alone.
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LouisBul
LouisBul If you like this chapter, please rate, review and share with your friends. If you see any typo or grammar/usage errors, feel free to share it at the comment section. If you have any thing else to share about it, feel free to write it down as well. I read and will reply to every comment :)
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