Chapter 29: Chapter 28: |Because, I Love You, Anasta-chan|
"My mother never loved me..."
was the first thing I could say, if someone asked about my relationship with my mom. Glimpses of the memories with my momma still lies before my hazel eyes.
.....
In 4 years old.
"Mamma, mamma! Look here, look here! I have found this interesting bug, And, it glows! Do you wanna know where I found it?.. "
"Oh, that's very nice dear. But, sorry sweetie, mother's kinda busy at the moment..Let's talk about it tomorrow.. " she would smile at me with the sane placid expression on her facade, but even then, though I was still just a little kid, I knew, it was a fake one.
.....
In 6 years old.
"Mamma, look here, I-I think I have the same powers as yours, and with that I have knitted this red lovely scarf. Do you wanna see it? "
"Wow, That's great, darling. You mom has something busy to do, shall I check it out later?"
.....
In 8 years old.
"Mamma, I have broke this vase and messed up my room.. I am so sorry... I hope you punish me accordingly.. "
"Oh, it's alright dear. Everyone makes mistakes.. Let the servants handle the mess.."
.....
In 12 years old.
"Mom, I had bullied few of the maids.. And, fired them.. Is that okay...?"
"Oh, it's alright my child. It's probably because they deserve it.. You handle the situation. I am a little busy at the moment."
But.. When it comes to Cinderella...it seemed like she had turned into a whole new being..
.....
In 15 years old.
"Mother, I had ruined all the jewels, I had borrowed from Cinderella and she is down to her tears.. What should I do..? "
"What!? You spoiled brat! How many times should I tell you to not mess with your stepsister!?"
"M-Mother... B-but you would never notice me.. If it weren't for matters related to Cinderella! Th-That's why..That's why...? "
"Anastasia, Return some of your own jewels and compromise with her, immediately... "
"B-But.. "
"That's an order! "
I quickly rubbed my tears.
"Yes, mother. "
"I-I will see to your problem... Tomorrow.. "
"Yes, mother. If you excuse me..? " I bowed down and left the room.
"I love you, honey.. " she whispered as I closed the door.
"I love you too, mother." I hushed back.
...
Lies..
I know those were just sweet Lies..
Because, that tomorrow never arrived.
I wanted her attention. I was desperate for her attention, that I was willing to do anything for it!
In the beginning, I thought, it was just how my mother is. That, it was her natural character to not show or express the love and affection towards the people she loves. But, when I saw the pure joy when my new lovely stepsister arrived into my house,
"Step mother.."
I knew that wasn't the case.
"My little angel.. "
That's how she always called her. At first, I thought, it was because of how adorable my step sister was. But, it was only until later did I acknowledge the difference in the treatment towards us becoming crystal clear.
My step sister was definitely an angel with a heart of pure gold, polished with kindness and loved by all even the little creatures scurrying around the house. She was innocent as a little child, and that's what made her lovely, to such an extent that my mother can't stand not helping her.
I thought, I must wait. That, If I waited she would show the same affection towards me. While I know, my mother favored Cinderella more that us, she cannot hate me..?.. She was not a heartless woman.. Right..? And, so I waited. For the day she would look at me, for the day her affections would be true, for the day she would genuinely appreciate me.
But, that day never arrived.
Crushed, by the harsh reality, I tried analyzing what was wrong with me. I used to stand hours before the mirror, wondering just what was so different and deceitful in me? Was it my poorly freckled face, my crummy abnormally colored red-hair or my lanky and poorly built structure?
I tried many ways to look more prettier, but it was always the same. The moon cannot shine it's brightest when it stood next to the sun.
The distinction between us was clear. She was blessed and I was not!
I hated myself and my stupid character, so, I didn't mind being disliked by my mother too..
...
But, now looking back.. a love so great enough to sacrifice herself for her own daughters. That thought never even dared to cross my mind...
"Anasta-chan.. You have done well.." said my dying mother gently touching my cheeks.
"Mother.. You can't.. You can't do this to us.. " I cried. My voice wasn't gentle or polite like a Nobel, my mother forced to raise me up into. It was loud and seemed like a scoundrel. But, I didn't care, I just want my mother back!
"Anastasia.." My mother squeaked in a feeble voice.. " There is something I need to tell you.. Since, for a long time.."
"Mother.?. "
I closed my eyes tight. It was too painful to know my mother was dying right before my eyes. I looked around. All the servants and maids had their eyes struck to their ground in disappointment. But, I knew it wasn't the case. They were just happy that there is gonna be a change in the ownership, from my terrible mother to our cunning relatives..
My mother was brutal and an extremely Just woman, after all. And, not many liked her. Yes, I know, she has done many mistakes on how she harsh treated the workers. But, in contradictory, my mother was a perfect queen. She never failed in any single duty.
That's why she expected the same from the people around her. And, those who disappointed her expectation are truly caught in a devil's snare. She's that dangerous. So, No one cried for her except Drizzella who was almost wearing out her eyes and I, who was trying hard to not spill my tears, as the respected mistress's elder daughter.
I drew closer to my mom as she calls me. Her breath were becoming more fainter and fainter at every moment.
"What is it.. Mamma.. ?" I asked gently when she uttered the words that would truly surprise me to the core.
"...I am so sorry, my child.. "
"....W-What? "
"I am so sorry for being a bad Mamma, Anasta-chan... I know, I never really gave you the love you deserved and I am sorry.. "
"...."
"...I have always pretended to ignore you and lied about my true feelings. Deliberately keeping you at a distance with my own hand.. I have never told you my true intentions and.. And.. Because of that... I know, I have hurt you so much.. "
"...Mmmn.." I shook my head unable to comprehend what she was saying. "W-What do you mean, ignoring me, mom..? I don't deserve your love, I knew it. That's just how worse, I am, of a daughter to you...So, it's OK if you never love me.. "
My mother gently placed her hand over her forehead.
"So.. That's what you have thought of yourself, huh..? I had definitely failed as a mother haven't I..?.. "
"..."
Tears spilled from her eyes.
"...I mean, being reincarnated with the memories of my past life.. ,becoming too obsessed with the story's plot-line, forgetting to cherish the life I have with my daughters, instead trying to do everything to please the heroine so that she would have mercy over me and my daughters when the Fairytale ends. I am the worst..aren't I..?"
"Mother.. You have ignored us and poured your love on Cinderella.. so that, me and Drizzella wouldn't suffer a bad end..? But...why.. Why would you do that mom..? That's so.. stupid and.. "
"Because I love you.. Anasta-chan Drizzie-chan.."
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