Chapter 20: Hurts And Memories
Dreams in sleep have two types- sweet dreams and nightmares, even though none remains for too long.
It is you who chooses which one to hold the last drop of.
Y/N's P.O.V-
......
'Y/N.'
I looked around to see the person calling me, finding no one instead. The voice was unusually cold and calm, holding no emotion, either good or bad. A feeling arising in my mind that won't let me let go of it, neither get hold of it, was poking me hard, telling me as if the voice was so familiar…to a person. That I knew so much. That I was really close to.
And that I wasn't supposed to hear. At all. Anymore.
'Oh Y/N. Just turn around. I am behind you.'
I stiffly turned around to look at the figure. My heart had turned already frozen by then, staring at the figure made my whole body turn into ice within one second.
...
Before me, there stood a petite figure of a pale girl. She was younger than I was by a few years, from the appearance. An unclean, discolored, blue sundress covered her slender body, torn and stitched here and there revealing its age oldness. Her long, voluminous, wavy brunette hair covered the face, keeping her identity to herself. Yet I knew who she was.
'A…Anna.' My voice struggled hard to come out of the vocal cords, for I being thoroughly panicked, 'y…y…you??!!'
A tiny smirk flashed on the girl's lips visible through her hair, 'Surprised, Y/N?'
'How? Weren't you…d-'
'Yes, I am. But why are you so shocked? I don't get it. I used to be the one without whom you couldn't even pass a single day.'
I stood still, unable to move or even speak a bit.
'I see you've grown up all matured,' she strolled back and forth, 'Not just you. Everyone has. Except for me. I am just stuck with the same age, not growing up at all. It's so frustrating...'
'Even I wanted to grow up,' she continued, 'get a job, settle, marry, have kids, start a family, grow old but…things just ended too soon. Along with my dreams.' She stopped her pace tuning her head to me.
'Just. Because. Of. You.'
The sweetness and casualty in her voice were drastically changed into a dead cold, murderer's voice.
'It wasn't…my fault, Anna...' My voice started cracking, 'Even I wasn't aware of it. That he could go this extreme.' Struggling hard to hold back my tears.
'Really?' The laugh to pass out of her vocal cords, it felt like thousands of glasses shattering to pieces, 'It wasn't YOUR FAULT??!!' she yelled out loud, making me flinch and let a warm drop of a fearful tear stroll down my chin, 'Look at me! If you had come by the right moment that time, I would never have to leave everyone, everything back!'
She stopped for a moment before speaking further, 'The pain, when my face got burnt severely, with those fleshes inside attaining the inflamed death's shade…' she touched her palm with her cheeks. 'Unless I make you experience the same.' She looked up at me with intense hatred and savageness.
I was afraid. People may die reaching their highest level of fear and shock and I was afraid of myself crawling up to that phase step after step. I hid my face under my palms and cried out loudly, 'I am sorry, Anna! I really am.. I didn't want to lose you like that. I just didn't know what to do…'
There passed a few moments in silence with just me crying as if my heart would break.
'Y/N, look at me.'
'I said Look At Me!' I removed my hands and looked up finding her staring back sternly. 'You never saw me after my body was taken. You couldn't. Do you wanna see me now? I bet you would.'
'No!' I stumbled backward, uttermost horror was in my eyes, 'Don't... Anna, I can't-'
'That's what I want, Y/N.' the true self of a devil was now standing in front of me, 'I want you to…suffer.' She ran her fingers through her hair, the dry brown locks, slowly were stroked to the side.
'I said don't!' my shaky voice was too weak to reach up till her ears.
'ANNAAAAA!!!'
I sat up on my bed, panting heavily. My whole body was soddening in sweat, leaving trails of the wet saltiness over the pillow and clinging blanket. I stared at the bedside clock, thin hands of which showed the dead hour of the night. The darkness featured in the room as if was getting more and more condensed. The walls seemed like getting closer, intending to crush me in the middle.
I threw myself back on the pillow.
There…the same dream…I saw it.
Again.
My blurred memories hit me clearer than before as I went back some years ago, shortly opening the metal box I kept locked inside my brain. The one which I never intended to open. Ever again. Until now.
Flashback ~ ~ ~ ~
'Y/N!' Anna jumped onto my shoulder with her usual cheerful self, pushing my hair to the side that was lying next to my face. 'Anna, you should really stop doing that.' I pushed her off getting myself straight. 'Haha, you know I won't ever. Wait.' she took a glance over my face then asked in worry, 'You don't look good. Are you worried about that issue again?'
'No, it's just…'
'Y/N,' she gave me a tight side hug and said, 'Stop thinking about it too much. These kinds of stuff happen. They just come and go. Teenage life. What if you do not have your parents currently beside you, I will always remain beside you. I am your parent. I am your BFF. You have my back.'
'I love you. You are always too sweet. I don't think I deserve this much.'
'Shut up. I love you too!'
> > > > > < < < < < > > > > > < < < < <
I rushed in through the hospital hallway, my heart was at the verge of breaking down from exhaustion even though my legs wouldn't stop. I felt my cheeks dry losing moisture by the salty tears dropping from my swollen eyes. My hair was a mess, looked as if they weren't brushed since ages. The scent of phenyl and antiseptic seemed to reek and burn my nose as I inhaled the toxic smell. My mind was totally devastated, I was, as I ran, the stares hitting from all sides just intensified with surprise their owners held.
'Where's Anna? How is she?' I yanked the person crazily standing in front of the ICU, staring into his eyes desperately. Just a small positive answer or at least some kind of magic was what I wanted, that could turn any bad answer to a good one with its spell. However, the person just replied me with a pair of sad eyes, looking down at the tiled white floor, pursing own lips.
'Y/N,' I looked back and saw Renee. She stood calm, the silence which proclaimed always the worst. The stuttering voice of her speaking, her eyes red and swollen at mine, 'A…Anna, she's d…d…dead.' Her voice cracked at the end.
The whole world, the galaxy full of stars a human holds, mine was gone. I stood, motionless, on an ocean of sands, burning my bare toes with their flammable hotness. All the sounds, the vision of people passing by me, stopped instant. Renee came running and hugged me tight, saying something, probably to console. But my ears were unable to take her words in. Except for her earlier words that kept banging inside.
She's dead.
Anna's…dead…
Gone…
As if someone stabbed my heart continuously until the atria and ventricles came out from their places. What am I supposed to do now? What is left for me to do in this world?
All of a sudden, I just felt completely given up on myself. So numb. Alone. Hopeless. And…
Guilty….
'He is not found yet,' Renee's word finally hit my ears, 'The police are still searching for him. But he is just evanesced. I am sorry, Y/N. I am really sorry. There's nothing that we could do.'
I released myself off her embrace and slowly took a pace. I was culpable with my eyes that were shedding tears a while ago, now no more even though stuck with the most painful words. The stock of fluid inside, it had dried up so bad, leaving me like a stone which just stands, no emotion, no movement, no feeling even by the touch of softest hands.
Anna's family was sitting a few others sitting meters away, from where I stood. Her family, means, her sister.
Fiona, Anna's non-identical twin, she raised her head and stared at me the time I stood a little far staring at her immobile. Her hair was ruffled, eyes were swollen, on a face like hard stone she held.
'Look who it is!' She called standing up from her seat, 'Y/N L/N, my sister's best friend. And her murderer.' Her words shot an arrow right into my heart. Murderer? Me? Am I…really…
'What? Didn't you kill her?' she as if was able to read my mind. 'Fiona…' before I could speak, she pushed me hard to the ground. I groaned in pain while she yelled out the fumes from her shocked mind, 'Don't you dare! You are the reason Anna passed away like this. YOU. KILLED. HER!'
She raised her fist, perhaps intending to punch me. My hands moved up shielding myself, that moment Sarah came by running and pulled Fiona backward.
'Fin, what the hell are you doing?' she held her hand tight pulling her further away, 'NO! Let me go! That killer deserves it!' she tried to release herself crazily while the nurses too joined in to stop the fight. I stared at her blankly to catch a grip on her words while I was pulled up and dragged towards the exit.
A murderer…
I killed her.
Flashback end ~ ~ ~ ~
I flicked my eyes open.
Yes, she was right back then.
I killed her…
I am a murderer myself…
I murdered an innocent soul. Whose crime was to assist me as my best friend.
And a murderer can never run away from the guilts they did that ran through the veins in their hand.
I thought I had forgotten about it. I thought leaving the state to this new place would give me a new beginning, a new life, a new me. I was happy. I tried to be happy. But what to do, when my own brain betrays me? Therefore, it subconsciously kept ruining my sleep, giving me nightmares. Now I even fear to sleep. Thinking if it comes back again…
Back then, everybody tried to console me saying it was just a bad dream. Just brush it off your head and move. If anyone knew how a bad dream can wound one so hard... However, in my case, it was not a wound. It was a scar.
Wounds heal, scars don't. They just fade, while my one was too deep to even fade. Even when I accidentally touch it, it just triggers the pain more and more. Showing its presence, saying to me, 'Hey, am here. I didn't fade away. Do not forget me...'
What's the point of running after perpetrators when I am, one, myself?...
I don't know if I ever am able to get out of these.
Ever.
Ever.
Liza's P.O.V-
Getting myself off the bed, the first thing I did was picking up the phone and click Y/N's number. If this girl gets a chance to sleep, she can pass her lifetime sleeping without any interval. Well, I won't let her do so. At least not this time.
After a few calls, she finally picked up.
'He---' 'Y/N! I will be stopping by your house in an hour or so. Okay?'
'Liza, I don't think I will be-'
'What? Bish, I said before and I am saying it now again. I am not taking any excuse. Get ready asap.'
Silence passed from the other side until I heard a low snivel. My eyebrows curled up in concern. 'Y/N.' I asked, 'Is anything…wrong? Are you crying?'
The fast coming of the answer proved it more, 'No, why would I?'
'But I heard…' 'I said I am not crying, Liza.' She sounded rough this time. But deep in there, it stated, she was lying. To picture perfect the existence of that fake two-word sentence, I'm fine.
I felt the patch of sorrow knotting in myself too. I couldn't stand her sad about anything. However, if she wasn't willing to tell me so, I shouldn't force her on the matter either. She was always being a little like that. Being secretive, building up a wall around her to bottle up her thoughts and feelings, the mansion she was building for herself, there is probably no one ever to be able to get an entrance to this. Okay if it's not me, is there someone else who can invade in for her?
She's my best friend. I want her helped...
'Y/N. Whatever it is please don't be upset. If you feel like you can share with me, I am right here, a second away to knock on your door. Take your time. You have my back.'
I could feel a smile getting visible on her face, not a fake one but genuine, 'Thanks Lizi, I appreciate it.'
'Like I said, I am coming by in some time. Liza's virus coming to enlighten your day!'
Y/N's P.O.V-
'----You have my back.'
Someone told me that once too and now she's not anymore.
'Thank you, Lizi. I appreciate it.'
'Like I said, I am coming by in some time. Liza's virus coming to enlighten your day!' Her upbeat scream, before the line was disconnected. I lied down on my bed again, pulling the dried off cheeks.
Maybe I did lose someone important from my life but I will probably get thousands in replacement. I am not weak. I won't give up. It's not the Y/N who I was, it's the Y/N who I am now, who knows to never give up. Anna taught me that once.
I gotta take care of that rusted lock of the box in my brain now totally. Getting a new lock.
Darkness comes first. But after darkness, there always reaches the light. I will look forward to the light. The hope, the flower to bloom in the dream which I will make true. I will root for you. Y/N.
For you, I could pretend I was happy when I was sad,
For you, I could pretend I was strong when I was hurt.
Weekly Power Status
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Ranking 
-- Power
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