Chapter 125: Chapter 125 - First time's the charm.
Several days later, near the campfire on the lake.
"I am sorry for not coming yesterday. An unexpected delegation arrived, we had to pacify them." Erdeni said, drinking wine and eating a meat stew she cooked from the game Xin brought.
"Tell me more," Xin said with his eyes. Erdeni learnt most of his mimics by now. She appreciated how expressive his usually blank face could become if needed.
"Oh… They want several of our youngsters to ride for them, and they want to pay customary compensation for adopting them. Thing is… If we let these youngsters go, the tribe is as good as over. Usually, such decisions are taken by a chief, but we don't have one, and they're using this to pressure us. My father's right hand man is a current acting leader, and he doesn't want to be a chief, as he promised my father to hand the tribe over once me and my brother come of age."
I hate this, Xin. I couldn't care less about her clan! Breed her!
Shut it, totem. She needs to vent. The weight of expectations she's facing is relatable, so I'll gladly listen.
Let's just fight already! I know I'll most likely lose, but I want to go out with a blaze! Face me in combat, why extend the torture and make me live in your head, boy?
We both know you aren't ready.
Are you?
"... So he says that we should take out a loan with the imperials and join a warband, but I think it's stupid, we aren't ever paying it back with so few men. And if they send the cultivator loan sharks... Xin?"
Is he even listening?
"Ugh." Xin grunted lightly, as if to say "I'm listening", but didn't sound very persuasive.
"Is something bothering you?" Erdeni looked at him intently.
Something? Everything. Xin looked her in the eyes for a brief moment, then stared at the water surface again.
There is an exalted beauty about this girl, a presence transcending "type" and mere physical attraction. To stare into these eyes is to be consumed by an ugly limerence, the only way I know how to fall in love. Can I afford this now?
"I know how hard it is to not be able to answer. Let's share the wine." Erdeni placed her left hand on his right, then offered him a cup with the other. Startled, Xin almost pushed her hand away, but restrained himself. Still, somewhat irritated, he downed the whole cup in one brutish gulp. Disgusting nomad brew, wild grapes, sour and unrefined. Xin still appreciated the gesture.
Why do I feel so tense? I can't grasp it. I lived for this moment, but now that I am in it, it feels like torture. As if I let her in, I'll break down completely. Dissolve. And if I enter her soul, I'll leave it in ruins.
What makes you think she is attracted to you in the first place, you idiot?
Shut up, tiger. Xin grunted again.
Wasn't me, child. That's an older voice, one that owns you.
Xin smirked, but his eyes were still sad.
I am going crazy.
Erdeni spent a minute in silence, her heart racing at twice the usual pace, before she finally spoke again:
"Mas… Xin. Can I do something? Don't misunderstand. Just something I think would help you."
Xin gave her a half-glance, raising an eyebrow. What's her plan? He grunted in approval. Sure, go ahead, do your thing.
Some song? Ritual? A potion, maybe? Perhaps she'll give me a trinket?
Erdeni proved each of his guesses wrong. She gently grabbed his shoulder and one of his hands, pulling them towards her lap with a surprising determination. Her delicate arms trembled against the weight of his body, hardened from physical cultivation, and for a moment they were stuck awkwardly—Xin's body tilting, halfway between sitting and lying on her lap.
Erdeni's pulse quickened even more, she was sweating and wanted to stand up and flee. He's going to push me away. Or worse... This is ridiculous. What am I even doing?
Xin, on the other hand, was astonished — what an audacious girl! Her arms are weak, yet the force pulling him down is so strong! The desire to surrender and dissolve, something he feared all these weeks, was instead intoxicating.
Don't do this, boy! That's how they tame you, stupid!
One minute later. Xin's eyes were shut as he was enjoying the softness of Erdeni's lap.
"Your hair is a bit messy," She whispered, giving him goosebumps. "But I think it fits you nicely." The girl was emboldened as she gently ran her fingers through his long strands.
I protest! This goes against our vows! You are a king of this forest, yet you let yourself be treated like this! I don't respect you anymore! I won't give you any powers! I am a proud tiger, not a house cat! Cease this immediately, before I consume your soul and eat this girl alive with your own teeth, you degenerate!
Do it.
Xin shut off his connection with the totem, and focused on the pleasant sensation. Erdeni gently caressed his neck and shoulders, and Xin felt like he was melting, each of his overtrained, tense muscles relaxing. It wasn't something he had ever fantasized about, and if he found out that one of his friends was doing something so sentimental, he'd probably mock them. But now that he was experiencing it, he couldn't help but sink deeper.
Even a dagger in his chest dissolved, as if it was never there. Curious.
"I'm glad you like this." She said, her voice trembling. Taming a bestial man like Xin was an alluring fantasy for someone like Erdeni, but it was inevitably paired with anxiety.
Xin held Erdeni's hand in his for a brief moment and pressed it firmly, as if to remember its touch, then stood up.
So sudden! What happened? Erdeni's soul sank.
Xin sat on his knees, staring at her with a melancholic gaze. He felt disgusted with what he just realised about himself, and felt like he could no longer accept her caress.
I am not whole without that dagger in my chest. Without it, I am nothing! Everything that makes me what I am stems from that lifelong melancholy, if I just let it go, I'll stop being me! My motivation, my intelligence, my drive — I am pathetic without these, and falling in love will make me a cripple again! In just a moment, I'll stop being the person she likes!
This makes no sense. This makes no sense… These thoughts are stupid, begone! No, they are right.
She isn't it. She'll just use me. She saw me scarred and vulnerable and wanted to use me. Not even for her tribe's sake, that's what she tells herself to justify it. For herself! She is weak and powerless, and I am her way to control something! I'm her tool to escape her gloomy reality, and as soon as I stop conforming to this fantasy of hers, she'll discard me like a broken toy. A thousand thoughts flashed in mere moments, as Xin stared her in the eyes.
I've been found out. I am nothing, Erdeni thought. Female charms, such a primitive ploy. Them and a stupid void underneath, and ranting about my tribe to obscure it. He hated listening about it anyway, I could tell. He was just bored. That's what I am, a fleeting entertainment to give him company, and he'll leave me once his ascesis ends. I am also unfair to him, I fell in love with my childish fantasy, didn't even notice a person behind it.
Xin leaned in closer, then wrapped his hands around Erdeni's neck, gently putting his thumbs on her cheekbones and staring with a detached, yet intent gaze, as if looking past her.
"Do you feel this, too?" His eyes asked moments later, when he finally found courage to lock their gazes.
"Yes." Erdeni leaned closer, not intimidated by his brutish grasp.
A sincere kiss followed, liberating them both from uncertainty. Whatever it is, it happened now. Tastes like meat and sour wine.
We took the dive, now brace for the fall. Xin pressed Erdeni's shoulders and guided her down onto the leather bedding. She noticed his shaft elongate under his thin wrappings, but it wasn't the first time. In the past few days, it happened quite often, but she tried to ignore it to save him face, and he didn't try to obscure it as if to not give it any importance.
Xin wanted to tear her shirt to shreds, but gently unbuttoned it, breathing out to calm himself down. Erdeni pulled his "jacket" off while covering his neck in soothing kisses.
"It smells bad, and looks goofy." She smirked and threw it away. In response, Xin gently bit her ear, his heart racing. Erdeni moaned out cutely, which Xin found endearing, so he stole another kiss. Not so sassy now, huh?
With her shirt removed, only the linen wraps around her chest remained. He tried to figure out how to pull them off properly, but his patience finally ran out, so he infused his pointing and middle fingers with metal qi, making them into improvised scissors, cut the wraps in half and opened them like a book.
He was astonished. Her bosom was quite sizeable for such a lean girl, and with her heavy breathing, it moved up and down, its jiggles mesmerising him for a few moments. Who knew that her clothing obscured such a treasure?
Xin's heart sank, and he was forced to make the hardest choice of his life — do I play with her breasts, or do I get to action? I want to choose breasts, but if I do, will she think me a baby? Xin leaned closer and pressed her lips to his once again, as Erdeni wrapped her hands around his toned spine.
It's time. This is the moment. Remember the manuals — it's a bit lower than it seems. Xin raised her skirt and gently moved his hips to thrust, but narrowly missed. And again.
Damn, now she'll know I am a virgin. He was about to start considering his next actions, but Erdeni gently grabbed his member and guided it in. It slid perfectly.
Xin made a few gentle thrusts, looking Erdeni in the eyes. This feels… Underwhelming?
"That's the thing, bro, once you're used to that death grip of yours, girls feel like sponges!" Lei once said as Xin was rolling his eyes. How right was he! "You'll need some time to readjust, you know?" Right. Xin gradually sped up, focusing on the sensations he experienced. They were much more nuanced and intricate than what he was used to, but he eventually caught the hang of things. Erdeni was hot and moist — so simple, yet nothing ever came close. Her moans were a music to his ears, and her body moving in tact with his was nothing but a work of art for his impressionable eyes. She wrapped around him forcefully, as if she'd die if he let go, and bit into his neck as if to taste his essence, to keep a piece of him for herself.
"Agh!" Xin cried out, as he finished much earlier than he wished. Overwhelmed, he didn't manage to contain his excitement. Sorry, his eyes said as he laid on top of Erdeni, their hands still locked.
This is over. I failed. All these manuals, all these fantasies, all these plans, but I am just a two-pump chump! Pathetic.
"Xin, what are you worried about?" Erdeni kissed his cheek. "I think you did great, or is this the ghosts of the past again? I can never tell with you."
She lied, of course, but Xin still appreciated the gesture. Will she want me again, though? And it seems she wasn't a virgin, so she probably knows what a skilled man is like…
"Ugh." Xin grunted again, caressing the girl as they laid on the leather bedding. Some of it wasn't very well-made, and was torn apart by their forceful movements.
I shouldn't be anxious. This stuff happens. I just need to do my best to redeem myself.
"I am glad we did this. There was so much tension, uncertainty. It's all gone. It's not just the pleasure, I also felt… A relief. I was afraid you'd just play with me, but your touch, it felt like I matter to you. Is this true?"
Xin didn't answer, and instead lifted her in his arms, squeezing her buttocks and pressing his chest to hers.
"Xin, you can't just do this! It's a vow of silence, I know you can nod! Answer me!" She slapped his spine. "Tell me, do I matter to you?"
Xin showed her a "so-so" gesture and shrugged, so Erdeni slapped him again. He smirked and jumped into the lake, still holding her in his embrace.
Weekly Power Status
-- Power
Ranking 
-- Power
stone