Chapter 16: 16
Katsuki blows on his hands, his breath coming out in foggy spurts. He shoves his numb fingers back into the pockets of his coat, nudging his chin further under his scarf. The ground at the terminal is half-frozen, patches of ice intermittently broken by dusting of brown sand, leaving everything in a dirty brown sludge. Cars inch slowly, cautious on the slippery roads, interrupted every few seconds by a haphazard pull to the curb to pick up a passenger. Katsuki can almost feel his teeth crack as he watches traffic stop for over-exuberant family members running out of the driver's seats, hugging their loved ones perhaps a little too long and a little too much.
Jesus fuck. Phones and video exists. The blaring of horns, the ugly fucking Christmas decorations, complete with images of Santa waving passengers at every terminal are giving Katsuki a massive headache.
He's avoided coming home for the holidays for the past three years for a lot of reasons. The absolute pain of traveling during this time being one of them. His own mental roadblock from connecting his life in this town with who he is back in Boston another. His father got caught in the crossfire of this mental tug-of-war, and Katsuki did the only logical thing he could. He simply severed the rope.
It wasn't his father's fault. His father is a good man, and maybe it took Katsuki a little too long to actually appreciate that. He hated him, for a long time. Because instead of fighting for his mom, he let her go. Instead of getting angry, he cried. Instead of scolding Katsuki, he coddled him. For the longest time, Katsuki thought that his father was less of a man for his softness.
It was insecurity talking. Maybe still is. Katsuki would be the last person to admit that speaking to Deku for the last six months, recounting their past, their relationships, even talking about their parents, made him realize a few things. Made him realize that sometimes, maybe even often, Katsuki is the dick.
He's kept his father at arm's length since he was twelve. He's got things to remedy. He knows he does, and yet, that insistent angry teenager in the back of his brain wants to clamp down, roll his eyes, and white-knuckle it through these next two weeks.
He grimaces as he watches the SUV inevitably driven his father approach him, the man waving to him exuberantly rather than watching the fucking curb, skid to a stop.
His cheeks burn from the cold as his idiot father emulates the rest of the extras, parks his car and darts out that driver's seat to try, and fail, to envelop Katsuki in a hug.
"So happy to see you, son! Only took you until your last year of college…" Masaru Bakugou not-scolds, giant smile plastered over his good-natured face. Katsuki glowers. He wonders is his own avoidance of his father drove him further and further into Inko Midoriya's arms. If he was around more, would the two of them have gotten married…?
Dumb. What a dumb thought. Again, this is Deku's fault. A lot of things are Deku's fault. One of them being… the resolution that Katsuki's made, when he finally bought that plane ticket home.
Its time, he figures. He's hidden a lot of aspects of himself for most of his life, and it was exhausting. Despite how much learning and growing he's done, despite living in such a liberal town and being proud of who he is, there's still a flicker of that small-town shame, rolling around him like a kidney stone.
"So, son, are you seeing anybody?"
Katsuki swallows at the question, looking out the frosted windows to the mostly empty highways before him. The snow drifts in a melancholy fashion, the scent of the car bringing him back to his childhood. Of years of silence between the two of them, Katsuki staring out the window as his father drove him to practice.
"Yeah. I am."
At that, his dad seems to perc up and glances at him from the driver's side of the car.
"Wow! Really! What's her name?"
Katsuki sighs. If he treats it like it's a big deal, its going to be a big deal. He just needs to say it. He just needs to be honest. Even so, his stomach rumbles with something uncomfortable.
"I'm gay."
"…"
Katsuki doesn't dare look at his dad, but is half-aware that the car swerves a bit. After a beat of too much silence, he glances at his father's very confused face. To Katsuki's relief, his father doesn't look angry. He's not sure why he expected him to be.
"… Why haven't you told me this before?"
"Shit, dad, I don't know. We don't talk about touchy feely bullshit like that."
"… We could. If I did something to make you feel like you can't speak to me…"
What did prevent Katsuki from telling his father? At the time, it was practical. He was banging Deku, and part of him didn't want their weekends together to stop, which may have if their parents knew that sexual contact was a possibility.
Part of it went a little deeper, Katsuki knows. He didn't want to be less of a man. It was a stupid, immature association – for some reason, he was convinced it would make his father ashamed of him. But he's an adult now. He's grown. He has his own life. He's made his own family, even if it is a family of complete idiots plus Deku. He's not bogged down by that small town shame anymore, and if this is what severs his relationship from his family, then good riddance.
"Is it serious?"
Surprised, Katsuki stares at his father. The other man's face is now back to a calm, curious expression, a faint smile on his face. Katsuki's heart, which he hadn't even noticed was racing up until that moment, slows. Katsuki thinks about it for a brief moment.
"Yeah, I think so."
Katsuki looks out the window, placing a finger against the frost. He drags a line across the window, reveling in the coolness steadying the heat rising to his cheeks.
"I think I love him."
"Wow." His dad states. "Katsuki, that's amazing. I'm happy for you. Hopefully next year you could bring him by for the holidays."
Katsuki bristles. Be careful what you wish for, he guesses.
There's not a whole lot of good ways to say, 'hey, actually, by the way, surprise!' about the whole Deku situation, but, baby steps. Felt good though, to say it out loud. The 'L' word. Even if it was just to his dad. Even if his own brain has been screaming it at him since he was sixteen.
Deku drove himself down the next day.
Katsuki pretends like he doesn't notice. He lays in bed instead, nerves standing on end, hyperaware of the sound of Deku's car pulling up, of the slam of the front door, of the almost over-eager creaking of the stairs as his step-brother actually runs to their shared room. Katsuki pretends that his heart isn't racing, taking an extra beat to look up from his phone.
Cheeks pink, breathing hard, hair up in every-which-way, Deku looks beautiful. Deku dives straight for him, his frozen fingers finding their way under his shirt, and Katsuki can't help but let out a laugh, can't help but run his fingers through those green curls, can't help but kiss his idiot forehead, his frozen lips.
There's a lot of things that Katsuki hates about the holidays. Hates all those ugly-ass lights on every tree. Hates feeling fucking freezing cold one second, soaking wet the next. Hates the fact that everyone on the road is a bastard that suddenly forgot kindergarten and can't stay in their own lane. Hates that everyone is off work, that Inko fuckin' Midoriya insists on making cookies and watching horrible Christmas movies and making them wear matching goddamn sweaters. Hates that he doesn't have any time alone with Deku.
Even so, when they sit next to each other on the couch, watching movies, sharing a blanket, Deku intertwines their fingers. Its small, intimate, hidden from view, and even so, it makes Katsuki's pulse skyrocket. Its ridiculous, how intimate it feels to be holding hands with his boyfriend, ridiculous that it feels natural and ridiculous that Katsuki sometimes forgets that they're not a normal couple, and this isn't just him and his boyfriend, hanging out with another much older and maybe overly involved couple.
The feeling that him and Deku are double dating his fucking parents comes to a head when those goddamn geniuses think it's a cool idea to go see Christmas lights at the yearly decorated zoo.
To Katsuki's relief, the two of them break off almost immediately. It's a little strange. Surrounded by couples and families, Katsuki doesn't feel as out of place as he expects. Instead, he keeps his eyes locked on the pink-cheeked wonder in front of him. Bundled up in his scarf and large, puffy red coat, he looks younger, somehow more innocent, and Katsuki sneaks a picture of him as the dork gazes at the different shapes of Christmas lights in wonder.
"This is just like a real date, huh?" Deku says, breaking their comfortable silence as the two of them wander from exhibit to exhibit. Katsuki says nothing in return. He doesn't know what to say. Deku and him skipped the whole dating part of the relationship, huh?
What would that have even been like? Would Deku even give him a second chance if they met for a different reason, after how things ended in high school? Or was their inevitability, the fact that they fell into each other almost instantaneously, based on nothing but convenience and proximity? The thought makes Katsuki feel weird, and he keeps his mouth shut, ruminating, letting Deku direct their trek through the zoo.
The dork seems undeterred by Katsuki's mood, though. They find themselves at the arctic exhibit, and Katsuki feels himself relax as Izuku giggles, pointing to the penguins waddling under the multi-colored lights.
"You know, penguins mate for life…" Deku starts, looking more bashful than he has any right to. Katsuki just rolls his eyes and shoves his hands further into his pockets.
"Well, shit, easy to do when you only live for, like, fifteen years."
"I don't know. I've known someone for almost twenty-two, and I'm not tired of them yet." Izuku says. The green dork looks around before approaching Katsuki, bumping shoulders, getting so close that Katsuki can feel the dork's warm breath on his skin.
Twenty-two years. It's true. Him and Deku have known each other since they were babies. They were always hopelessly intertwined, whether they wanted to be or not.
"Things change," Katsuki says, tersely.
"Not for me." Izuku says confidently, and silence extends between them.
"Whoa, is that… Katsuki Bakugou?"
Katsuki just about jumps, turning around roughly, eyes already narrowed at the familiar voice behind him.
And, wouldn't you know it. The behemoth approaching him, and the tiny blonde attached to him by the arm, are probably some of the last people he wanted to see.
"Inasa." Katsuki nearly spits out, and shoots a quick nod to the blonde girl with him, "Camie."
At the mention of her name, he can feel Deku stiffen, growing more tense. His old teammate and the former cheerleader are all smiles, though, not seeming to notice the change in atmosphere around them.
"Bakugou! It is you! Long time no see buddy! You didn't tell us you'd be back in town."
Katsuki rolls his eyes. Why the hell would he? His relationship with either one of them was purely professional at best. Inasa was probably the least bastard one out of all his teammates on his high school baseball team, but that didn't make him not-a-bastard.
"And you're…" Inasa narrows his eyes at Izuku's face, and something about the tall fuck not recognizing Deku makes rage spring front and center to his heart. Deku was fucking brilliant. Cute. Smart. Loud-mouthed and shitty. How did people not remember him? Was Katsuki sincerely the only one who got lost in him, couldn't take his eyes of him, felt like he could see nothing but him?
Katsuki takes Izuku's hand defiantly before he has any real time to think it through, and gives them a meaningful look. Camie jumps up and down, gripping onto Inasa's bicep.
"He's my boyfriend," Katsuki states, not paying attention to the ridiculous rate at which Izuku's face goes starkly red.
"Oh my goooooooooooooood!!! Bakugou, I'm so happy for you!!!" the blonde woman screeches, making Katsuki flinch.
If he doesn't let go of Deku's hand the rest of the way through the park, well, it has nothing to do with possessiveness. Or wanting to go on dates with the nerd. Definitely not.
As Katsuki and Izuku finally approach their parents, Deku pulls his hand back, putting distance between them. He remains uncharacteristically quiet, and Katsuki grabs him by the shoulder before they're in earshot of their folks.
"What is it, nerd?" Katsuki finally asks, searching that freckled face for any sort of reaction. He almost looks… hurt, and its making knots form in Katsuki's stomach.
"…Why did you do that?" Izuku asks. Katsuki's heart skips a beat.
"You didn't want me to…?" he asks.
He hadn't even asked Deku. He just outed him in front of their high school classmates. Yeah, it was impulsive, but it was a matter of pride, dammit, and Deku deserves to be treated like the fucking prize that he is!
"It's not that, Kacchan… I'm happy. I am. It's just…" Deku's voice trails off. "I hate hiding. I hate feeling like we're doing something wrong."
Doing something wrong. Those words stay in the back of Katsuki's head, insistent and unwelcome. How could this be something wrong? How could the laughter, the brightness of those emerald eyes, the warmth in Katsuki's chest, sticky and sweet and suffocating, be wrong?
The night before Christmas, Katsuki drags Izuku to their living room. The fireplace is on, a candle is lit, there's spiked eggnog and blankets. He almost feels like an idiot for instigating this whole thing, until Deku's entire face lights up. That ridiculous, toothy, dimpled smile.
Katsuki would turn the world upside down for the nerd.
Easy conversation and drinks quickly devolve into intertangling tongues, Deku pressed into his body, clearly already hard, liquor and sweetness saturating his lips. Katsuki almost gets lost in it, hips already rutting into the nerd, the need to touch, to taste, to lick his skin overwhelming.
But. He set this shit up for a reason. Katsuki groans at himself, his own pants feeling uncomfortably tight as he pulls Izuku off him.
"Hold on. I, uh. This isn't you real gift, its just…" Katsuki fumbles with his words. He can't stand the look of amusement in his step-brother's eyes, so he leans to the back of the couch and grabs a nondescript bag he had hidden behind it.
"Kacchan… you didn't have to…" Deku starts annoyingly. Katsuki can't even look as the dork's clumsy hands dig the present out of the bag, and refuses to look up when Izuku squeaks. Deadass squeaks.
"Kacchan. This is… " The penguin plush is fairly small, and Deku's smothering the thing in his arms. Katsuki swears the dork has tears in his eyes, and his fingers twitch with the instinct to wipe them away, to caress his stupid face, to kiss his dumb-ass lips.
"You're a sap," Deku concludes teasingly.
"YOU are." Katsuki retorts immediately. He glances up, and Izuku's giving him this ridiculous, idiotic smile that Katsuki just about tells him. Tell him that he loves him. That he doesn't want to be without him. Tell him that -
"So?" Izuku pouts, pressing the plush more insistently against his own chest.
"So get fucked." Katsuki says flippantly, swallowing the words that desperately want to crawl out of his throat down.
"I'm trying," Deku all but purrs, raising his eyebrows suggestively. Katsuki smirks.
"Then lets fucking go, Deku." Katsuki grabs his hand and the two of them silently climb the stairs.
Katsuki feels Izuku shiver under his fingers. The heater must be broken in their room, and the cold winter air is chilling them both. He ushers the nerd into his bed and, with a quick grin, ducks his head entirely under the covers.
"Kacchan, don't – " Izuku starts.
"Just shut up, why doncha? Not trying to fuck you up before having to spend Christmas morning with our folks."
Katsuki's cold fingers nudge along the cute sweater Izuku's wearing, leaving his chest exposed to the cold. Teasingly, he rubs his chilly fingers against his already hard nipples, and chuckles to himself when Izuku shudders under him. Finding the oversized T-shirt that Izuku always wears to bed already laid out on the pillow, he tugs it over him, making sure his boy is warm before going a little further.
He gets deeper under the comforter and starts to pull down the other boy's pans. His own breathing seems to shallow out, stupid excitement getting the better of him. Katsuki's never been the type of dude to love dick, but it's different with Deku. Always been different. His head is swimming with the heat and musk under the covers, buzzing with the tentative touch of hands against his scalp.
He gets his pants off, nudging down his underwear. He hears the sharp inhale of breath from above the covers, but he ignores it. Deku's only half hard, and Katsuki tries to blow on his chilly hands, making sure he doesn't shrivel anything up with his grasp.
Instead, he makes use of his warm mouth, licking along the man's taint, his balls and along the base of his dick.
"Kacchan!" Deku hisses just above him, and Katsuki chuckles, warm errant breaths hitting Deku's dick just so, making the thing twitch until its standing straight up and practically hitting him in the face.
He licks a quick stripe up the base, careful to keep his cool fingers off. At the tip, the laps up the beads of precum, tonguing around the head, drinking in the weak groans and shake of Deku's body underneath him. Deku's always so easy to read, once you get him hard. He sucks him down, holding his breath as Deku's cock hits the back of his throat, swallowing around each whimper. He tastes amazing, all sweat and heat and peppermint, making Katsuki's mouth tingle pleasantly.
He's so perfect, even more so when the little fuck can't seem to stop himself and starts to rut his hips, fucking into his throat. Its hot – Katsuki's feels an overwhelming sense of power, knowing how much Deku desires him, how he can't control himself around him. Its intoxicating.
He holds on to Deku's hips, thumbs digging into his hipbones, lips and tongue meeting each eager thrust, his own hips rutting into the bed, delivering much needed friction to his own arousal. Each rut of his own hips inexplicably makes waves of pleasure trickle up his body, up his neck, making his mouth more eager, insistent, making each groan that leaves Katsuki's mouth elicit a twitch of desire from his counterpart. Katsuki could stay like this forever, in the warmth of these blankets, his boyfriend's cock in his mouth, but alas, his sweet Deku's getting hotter and more eager, each thrust of his hips more and more shallow, and with a firm stroke of Katsuki's experienced tongue, bitter cum coats his mouth. Katsuki licks his lips and darts out of the covers. Eyes adjusting to the dark, he appreciates Deku's flushed face and the gentle smile the dork is sporting.
Katsuki goes in for the post-blowjob kiss, because its tradition, after all, and Deku meets him head on, tongue and lips, dragging him closer around the neck. Basking in the afterglow, Katsuki nuzzling into the crook of the dork's neck because he's comfy and warm, dammit, when the fuck decides to speak.
"Kacchan. I want to tell them." Izuku confesses in a tiny voice.
Katsuki pulls back and stares at him. Really stares, because he can't believe this bullshit is leaving the dork's mouth.
"What? Why the fuck?"
"Kacchan, they're our parents. They love us. They'd understand. I just… I don't like hiding this. I l… You mean a lot to me. I want to be able to tell my mom that there's… that there's someone special in my life."
"Well, then, fuckin' tell her. Why do you have to tell her it's me?"
"Kacchan…"
The rage that Katsuki feels is overwhelming. Whatever ease he felt before is gone, replaced by tension and the erratic beating of his heart. Katsuki throws the blankets off and goes over to his own bed. He lays down and stares at the ceiling. A part of him knows that Izuku's awake too, looking at him, waiting for something, but Katsuki's got nothing to say.
Sure, they'll tell them eventually. Maybe. In five years or something. But Katsuki knows that the longer they keep this a secret, the longer the lies will spiral out of control. The longer each time they meet, each time they kiss, each move they make, will be misconstrued and scrutinized. The longer they can't be free.
But they're step-brothers. No matter which way you slice it, this is still fucked up. No matter how understanding parents can be, knowing that their own children, who they think of as brothers, are in a sexual relationship? Even worse, that Katsuki's in… love with him? That he has no fucking intention of ever ending it with him? That this is their new reality, like it or not?
On New Years Eve, Inko Midoriya goes all out and cooks up a feast. It actually looks quite a bit like the feast she prepared the day that Katsuki came over to Deku's apartment, the day that his former fuck buddy became his step-brother. They even open a bottle of champagne, laughing and chatting, unaware of the chasm between Katsuki and Izuku.
He doesn't dare touch Deku as the four of them watch the giant ball drop at the New Year Countdown, swallowing down his bitterness as he watches his parents kiss at the turn of the new year. He swallows an unappreciative gulp of champagne and sighs.
He almost doesn't notice when their parents go upstairs, and the two of them are left alone, sharing what's left of the champagne in total silence.
"…Kacchan. Are you mad at me?"
Katsuki turns to him on the couch and stares at his face. Illuminated by the fireplace light, Deku looks dejected, upset, hurt. Katsuki hates that he's done something to put that look on the little nerd's face.
"No, nerd. I'm not mad."
As if breaking some kind of forcefield that's been keeping them apart, Deku all but drops his glass of champagne and darts of Katsuki, nuzzling into his neck. Katsuki's surprised to feel wetness on his shoulder, and his stomach twists with something uncomfortable and guilty. Tentatively, he hugs back. Tension that Katsuki didn't even know he was holding dissipates, and he takes a huff of the green dork's head, relieved by the scent of his peppermint shampoo.
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry I always ruin things, Kacchan. You're right, I shouldn't – I know we're not a normal couple. Its just that I. I. I."
"…Izuku. Don't…" Katsuki is surprised by how strangled his own voice sounds, how foreign Deku's actual name feels on his tongue, but the simple act of saying it out loud, without the nickname, makes the green nerd shut his mouth.
"Do you regret this…?" the tiny voice rings out, and Katsuki almost feels like he's been stabbed in the chest.
"Fuck, no. Its been me and you since we were brats. This shit was inevitable, no matter what anyone else says. I want this. I want you. Its just… " The holidays. The graduation. The sharing a room. The 'family outings' that feel like dates.
Katsuki places a hand on Izuku's cheek and leans in, kissing him gently right over his favorite freckles.
"I don't know what to do." Katsuki admits. Deku leans his face into his step-brother's hand, his own fingers finding the man's wrist and holding on it it, as if keeping himself anchored, steady.
"There's no manual for this shit. But I don't regret any of this. I want this, okay? I want to be with you."
"…Katsuki." Izuku smiles and leans forward, capturing his step-brother's lips in his own.
They don't notice Inko Midoriya at the base of the stairs, holding her hands over her mouth, eyes wide as she watches the two of them kiss.
Weekly Power Status
-- Power
Ranking 
-- Power
stone