Chapter 1: My Last will and Testament
Be it known that when the moment you have read this, that means I already succeeded in my plans, and now it is the time for you to reveal the hideous secret I kept for so long.
my will starts after the series of dots.
........
DISCLAIMER: THIS IS A PARODY. ANYTHING BELOW IS NOT INTENDED TO OFFEND OR HARM ANYONE. SONG LYRICS WERE BORROWED FROM THE MOVIE ITSELF.
I am sure you are familiar with this great song from Aladdin titled, "Out of Thin Air". It is nasty to think you can't get it through of your head. Man, it's been about 20 or 21 years since the song played and you never got the slightest idea of what the song really meant.
It has been a great secret, but to be deciphered of someone who got fond of it throughout the years, it would be very difficult. You know what it is all about?
You might first think about it as to how Aladdin longed for his father whom he never yet saw in real life. Of course, that won't happen. He will never ever see me in person. Yes, I am his father. But I can smell him whenever I do that very magnificent act of human nature. Do you know what I mean?
Aladdin is a fart.
That's right! Aladdin's a fart gas. A colored air. A concentration of unpleasant yet inevitable congregation of organic molecules. Occurred in several sounds. And I am his farter. He was not my son, technically. He was a by-product of my overall metabolic processes. But to answer his longing for me, I'll tell you this, it is true. Aladdin never came out of thin air. He came out as a thick, foul, brown polluting gas that has poisoned and nearly destroyed the planet.
It is clear on my memory the day he was gone out of me. That is when my stomach churns up, and the lovely tingly feeling spread across my glutes (ass muscles).
My beautiful crush passed by me.
Then I made a loud, explosive sound from my sewage exit, "PPOOOOTTTTT....PPPPOOOTTTTTTT....PTTTTTTTTTTTT".
Along with the glorious sound, to my surprise, was her blinking eyes and her lovely smile. I thought she liked my fart.
But she never meant that smile for me.
It is for the other guy behind me, who was holding a bouquet of flowers.
That idiot! She didn't know how good I farted for her. Stupid!
I hate being questioned too much so don't piss me off about that stupid bitch.
I am sure you are flustered and confused about who I am and what really is your handsome street rat, Aladdin. I know it is really been tough for Aladdin to fit in the society most especially if you are a living fart that exists in the most undesirable smell. Well, the vitality of this feature makes Aladdin exceptional. You didn't know that. You can't smell anything inside the screen, you know. And if you know, will you still watch him? Now, you know what could possibly go wrong.
Man, personifying such incredible existence sucks. Hello? Fart gas to a good-looking boy? Are you insane? Well, let us get over the sense of what I am trying to tell you. That song from the last movie just gave you enough hints about Aladdin's true existence. Just change the word, father to farter in the lyrics. My, why does the word, farter turns red? The heck it is not recognized in the English dictionary.
Oh, Jasmine
You don't understand
There is so much that you don't see
Just think, if you can,
What growing up had to be like for me
Your farter's a man
Who taught you who you are--
Mine was never there
So how can you say I don't come out of thin air?
There's so much I want to know
You've got the chance to learn
If it means I'd have to go, I'll be right here when you return...
Our wedding can wait I love you. I think it's worth this small delay
Maybe you're right
And won't it be great
To have your farter see our wedding day?
I've waited so long It isn't too late to learn the truth
And now at last, we can finally say
Your farter is really there
There's so much that we might share.....And you'll finally learn
You don't come out of thin air...
See? Just when the right word came into phrase, all had made sense. The reality behind Aladdin comes to light. He was never a thin air! He was a thick air. He personally had it sensed he was not just a plain gust of air. It is part of his nature to go through of what he really is, a typical developmental plot for a character. Being a thin air does not merit towards fame at all. Coming out of nothing but the naturally existing air in the atmosphere is just normal. But being a fart, takes a new entirely different level. These thoughts led him to confusion and existential crisis, seemingly deciphering his very existence, but never reached the fact that because of me who never got the chance to show up into the world, caused his "birth".
If you think he lived happily ever after with that crazy bitch, Jasmine, quit fooling around you fool! Aladdin was never seen again after I set him free, free out of the great world, as he had flown up in the air and of course, contributing to global warming.
I slowly thought it has been a mistake to make Aladdin soar high. I think it is my fault why the greenhouse gases immediately heightened and that there is climate change.
Sure, he was a strong boy. He never died after those three movies and that all I know he was a superstar. But the truth is, it was all that stupid bastard, Jafar's fault of plotting to kill him. He was so insecure that a fart can take the spot light over him, WHICH is something more visible and tangible.
Did you know Jafar was a dingleberry from an unlucky attempt of failed farting? He was a shit bit. He was farted by an arrogant menace (that jenkem addict who ferments his own shit and suck all the fumes) who tried to fool a dog overdosed with heroine in fart noise contest. Unfortunately, his fart turned into involuntary manuring. Jafar has been so proud of himself to cause all that record breaking stink in their town, and the continual humiliation for that menace who it took very proudly. His farter died after a truck hit him. The truck driver was blinded with the brownish dark air filling the air and the merciless smell that crawled through his lungs.
Well, if I am Jafar, being a tangible fecal material defeated by a fart gas is beyond normal frustration. Tangibility-wise, he was over the edge, but Aladdin's promising foul smell caused much influence, way farther than Jafar could reach. I had to admit it, his smell commits his outstanding presence for the movie.
Aladdin ventured a lot and cut the crap out of that shit Jafar. But soon, Aladdin planned on getting revenge after being fooled to be a prince (of course I abandoned him in the clean air) after all those movies. What he can't get rid of thinking about is the hidden truth about him, being a reckless fart who travels and destroys the atmosphere. He never knew it was all because of him why the global temperature gradually increases degree by degree every year, the ice in poles melt down and the catastrophic slow down of Earth's rotation (if in case you knew that speculation that December 31 will be another leap year date). I don't know what plans he plots out for that revenge. But with all this, he's more than a mountain crap.
It has been a long time now since I set him free. I had no way of knowing now what he thinks. I don't speak fart you know.
He had brothers and sisters right sealed in an LPG tank. Of course they are methane-producing gases. Just don't mind the smell and you'll have energy.
Apart from all those nonsense, here is what I could share to you with all my heart. If you smell your own fart gas, just remember my fart's handsome face. That way, your fart life routine might really be enjoyable. Imagining a stud smiling right before you poop, that's a better way to tolerate the past of your own shit.
If you ask about his mom, well, is it necessary to have sexual relations for farting? I don't think so. I told you, I am his farter, not his father. I am a happy anti-social, psychopathic mammal, you know (after being ignored by that bitch). I eat grass and hang around the forest all by myself.
That is what makes the whole of me.
I suddenly thought being a skunk wasn't bad at all. I made a roaring legend despite all the crap it has been. Aladdin.
Remember that! This skunk rules over farts. Not just a fart, but a fart that you never know you already breathe. It had been around 26 years you know (if you still remember Aladdin's first release in 1992).
In that case, the world domination I am plotting out was on its launch. I already invaded your nostrils down to your lungs. My, I am a genius.
And yeah, I am a skunk.
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