What are the best old funny stories you know?

A group of cowboys were sitting around the campfire one night. One of them started telling a story about how he once got lost in the desert while chasing a stray calf. He said he followed the calf's tracks for days until he realized he was just going in circles. The calf had actually doubled back and was back at the ranch long before he was. All the cowboys around the fire had a great laugh at his expense.

I heard about a teacher who accidentally sat on a whoopee cushion in class. The whole class burst into laughter. It was quite an embarrassing but funny situation for the teacher. The teacher just laughed it off in the end.

A little boy was in a relative's wedding. As he was coming down the aisle, he would take two steps, stop, and turn to the crowd. While facing the crowd, he would put his hands up like claws and roar. So it went, step, step, ROAR, step, step, ROAR all the way down the aisle. As you can imagine, the crowd was near tears from laughing so hard by the time he reached the pulpit. When asked what he was doing, the child sniffed and said, 'I was being the Ring Bear.'

A chemist once mixed up two chemicals in the lab and there was a small explosion. His hair stood on end. Instead of being worried, he said, 'Well, at least now I have a new hairstyle for free. And I've also discovered a new, albeit accidental, chemical reaction. I should write this down before I forget how I did it.' His colleagues couldn't stop laughing at his nonchalant attitude.

One funny story is about a kid who put on his dad's big shoes and walked around the house like a clown, tripping over his own feet. It was hilarious.

One tiny funny story is about a parrot. It learned to say 'I'm a pirate' and would perch on people's shoulders and shout it. Everyone who saw it couldn't help but laugh. It was so unexpected.

One funny joke story is that a snail got mugged by two turtles. When the police asked him what happened, he said, 'I don't know. It all happened so fast.' It's funny because snails are known for being slow, and the idea of things happening too fast for a snail is a comical contrast.

Here's one. A student was late for school. The teacher asked, 'Why are you late?' The student said, 'I followed a sign that said, "School Ahead, Go Slow", so I did.' This simple and witty answer is really funny.

One funny story is about a cat that thought it was a dog. It would chase its own tail like a dog and bark at the mailman. Another is a story of a man who tried to fix his roof. He slipped and his pants got caught on a nail. So there he was, hanging by his pants until his neighbor came to rescue him. It was quite a sight.

One of my favorite funny stories is about a farmer. He had a donkey. One day, the donkey fell into a well. The farmer tried to figure out how to get it out. After a while, he decided it was too much trouble. So he started to shovel dirt into the well to bury the donkey. But every time he shoveled dirt, the donkey would shake it off and step up. Eventually, the donkey climbed out of the well. Another story is that a man was walking in the park. He saw a sign that said 'No dogs allowed'. He looked around, didn't see any dogs, and then sat on the sign.