Can you share some very funny English stories?

Sure. Here is one. A magician was walking down the street and turned into a grocery store. Another one is that I used to be a banker but I lost interest.

Sure. Here is one. A magician was walking down the street and turned into a grocery store. Another one is that a bear walks into a bar and says, 'Give me a whisky and... cola.' The bartender asks, 'Why the big pause?' The bear says, 'I'm not sure; I was born with them.'

Sure. Once there was a man who tried to train his cat to use the toilet. He spent weeks on it. One day, he heard a big splash and found the cat had knocked over the whole toilet roll into the toilet bowl while trying to 'do its business' like a human.

Sure. Once there was a man who went to the zoo. He saw a penguin looking sad. So he decided to cheer it up by doing a little dance. But the penguin just stared at him like he was crazy. Then the man slipped on a banana peel that was left there by a naughty kid and landed right in front of the penguin's pool. The penguin finally seemed amused and jumped into the water happily.

Here's another. Two fish are in a tank. One says to the other, 'Do you know how to drive this thing?' This is short and funny as it gives fish the ability to talk and have a humorous misunderstanding about their environment which is a tank not a vehicle.

Once there was a student who was very sleepy in class. The teacher asked him a question, 'What is the opposite of cold?' The student, half - asleep, blurted out, 'Hot'. Then the teacher asked, 'What is the opposite of good?' Still half - asleep, the student said, 'Bad'. Finally, the teacher asked, 'What is the opposite of progress?' And the sleepy student replied, 'Congress', which made the whole class burst into laughter.

Sure. Here's one. A magician was walking down the street and turned into a grocery store.

Sure. Here's one. A magician was walking down the street and turned into a grocery store.

Sure. Here is one. A magician was walking down the street and turned into a grocery store. This plays on the double meaning of 'turn into' which can mean physically transform or just enter a place, creating a humorous situation.

One more. A boy asks his father, 'Dad, are bugs good to eat?' 'That's disgusting. Don't talk about things like that over dinner,' says his father. After dinner the father asks, 'Now, son, what did you want to ask me?' 'Oh, nothing,' the boy says. 'There was a bug in your soup, but now it's gone.'