My parents favored sons over daughters and ruined my life. I began to question the world and how I should live the rest of my life.(See 4 below) Thank you for reading my life story.

At the end of the year, my brother borrowed 20,000 yuan from my sister, so my sister went to withdraw money for him. I drove her there in my brother's car. The next day, my sister had a C-section. She said that she wanted to eat spicy hotpot, so I took her there. My brother called and said that he needed some goods and asked me to deliver them. I said that I was eating spicy hotpot. Brother, go ahead. My brother-in-law's car was in the shop, so my brother went. When he went back, my father started to scold him and said that he didn't know if there was any delivery in the shop. I told him that I told my brother that he would go. My younger sister wanted to eat spicy hotpot and she was about to have a C-section. I felt sorry for her, so I took her there. Dad still spoke in a hurry and was unpleasant to the ears. I cried and quarreled with him. I cried and said,"Dad, why are you treating me like this? I've been good to you all these years, haven't I? A few years ago, our family's financial situation was average. I bought food for our family and clothes for you all year round. Dad's answer was that you were willing. I didn't let you buy them. Suddenly, I stopped crying. I said that I would remember everything you had done to me until I died." Dad said that he would never see me until he died, and I was so angry that I was dumbfounded. I said that even if I died, it would be you who died before me. No matter how little we talked, Dad told my little nephew that girls had to marry off and were not part of the family. "Because I had a conflict with Sister-in-law, Sister-in-law told my brother about me. At first, my brother also started to have conflicts with me." There was one time when the store sold out. It was 11:30 pm. I had enough, so I drove my niece to my sister's house to play. I went back at 6 pm. The child was asleep, so I woke her up. When I went back, I gave the child to my sister-in-law. I said that the child had not eaten yet. You feed her, so I went to sleep. When my brother came back, my sister-in-law gave the child to him. He gave it to me. I said that I had been looking at her for the entire afternoon and I didn't want to look at her anymore. However, my brother didn't listen and insisted on giving it to me. We argued a little. He wanted to hit me, but my parents didn't say a word. Our conflict became deeper and deeper. "I've had enough. I wanted my mother to accompany me to go shopping, but she never went. She was afraid that my brother would think that she was close to me. At that time, she felt that if my mother could accompany me to go shopping, she would feel at ease and content after a short stroll. My mother was my brother's word. My mother always instructed me to do what I did. I was not convinced by her. You don't love me, so why should I listen to you? If I didn't listen, she would ignore me and treat me coldly. That feeling was really painful. Just like that, as long as one of the family members had a conflict with you, the whole family would ignore you. I was isolated. I cried and begged my mother to let me leave. I told my mother that I only had one brother. I didn't want to work hard and not get along well. In the end, no matter how bad the relationship was, my mother persuaded me to stop. It was because I wasn't hurt enough. After these things, I was angry every day that I lost myself and lost my wisdom. "Later, I met him. He was a married man. He told me that he was divorced. I was divorced too, so I sympathized with him. I believed him and helped me deliver the goods. It felt good to have someone to help me and talk to. I thought that you guys were bullying me. You didn't care and didn't value me. Someone cared. I didn't think that he was true to you. Was he sincere? I didn't guard against him at all. We were together. I could get rid of my home. Someone loved me." I was blinded by love and even brought him to my house to spend the night. When the neighbors saw it, they didn't think much of it at that time. They just thought that we were going to be together for the rest of our lives. Later on, I found out that he didn't divorce and my reputation was ruined. I really wanted to cry but had no tears. Other than working, I had no other thoughts. I was also used to the coldness of my family. Enough. When I was tired, I would hide in the blanket and cry or sit by the lake. Now, he had no conflicts with his sister-in-law. It was quite good. It was just that there was a barrier between him and his brother's parents. His family was hurt. In two and a half years, the shop was opened, but his efforts were not good. His family and reputation were gone. In the end, he had nothing. "Later, I met my current husband.(My father didn't go back when I got married because he had to deliver goods to my brother.) I loved him very much, and he loved me too. We also had a baby, but I still couldn't forget everything that had happened before. When I thought back to the past two and a half years after we got married, I was like a walking corpse. Actually, I had already collapsed a long time ago. I was just holding on. Everything in the past affected my current life." If I had known that I had severe depression, I would never have married my husband. I was afraid that I would harm him. It's not easy for everyone to live. I hope that his life is happy. I'm afraid that I will die and harm my husband and children. I'm suffering from severe depression now. I'm in pain every day. I want to die and I don't want to interact with others. I don't know how to get along with others. I don't know how to face my parents. I can't go back to the past (It's been 27 years. I finally know that my parents don't love me. No matter how hard I try or how I please them). I don't know how to live the rest of my life. Am I wrong?