Someone like me doesn't deserve you. At least that's what you think. What do you mean?

I'm not good enough for you, at least that's what you think. What do you mean? I'm on and off with my girlfriend. I'm basically the one who raised the score. I'm in a long-distance relationship with my girlfriend.(Parents know each other through parents, 100 km) Because she sometimes goes too far. It's fine if she doesn't know how to care about me. It doesn't matter if I'm tired. I just drink when I go out to play and then go home in the middle of the night. I can't stand it. As long as I'm resting, I will pick her up in the middle of the night. I'm afraid that something will happen to her. I will often give her gifts, snacks, flowers, romance, and surprises. Later on, she became more obedient, but it's too tiring."It affected my work and rest. Previously, she would come back as long as I went to her to ask her to stay. This time, we quarreled a little badly at the beginning. Then, we went out and went home in the middle of the night. We had a big fight. Then, I raised my score. I was very angry. After that, neither of us paid attention to each other and blacklisted each other. After that, I called her to ask her to stay. This time, my attitude was very firm. I said that a horse would not turn back and would not give her any leeway. After settling down for a while, I thought that I loved her after all, so I went back to look for her. She also saw me." However, she was still so tough. She said that all the men treated her well (she was very beautiful and big), not to mention the useless three minutes. Then, she got off the car and wanted to leave. I also tried to persuade her to stay. I didn't want any gifts or flowers. In the end, she accepted it and said,"I'm not worthy of you. At least, that's what you think. Later, I said that I forgot. Then, I was angry with all kinds of things. I didn't want the flowers either. I was angry and pointed at her. She said, don't point at me. Then, she wanted to go upstairs. I was angry and said," What's the point of living like this?" You drink all day. You're young, beautiful, big, and surrounded by many men. Have you thought about your future? You really can't tell who really cares about you and loves you. Then she glared at me. Are you done? After saying that, I went upstairs. Then, I threw the gift on the ground and said,"I'll never come back again in this life. I won't disturb you anymore." Then, I left. Not long after I left, she called me and asked me if you had left. Did you miss me? She said no, and I said that you were really worrying. Then, she said,"Why aren't you leaving? It won't be good if the neighbors see you. What's wrong?" Then, she immediately asked me who you called just now. I said classmate, and then said male or female? I said that my female classmate was studying psychology. She was trying to comfort me when I was upset. She immediately exploded again. I hate people like you the most. Tie Zi, little sister, classmates. You quarreled with me. I said that it was just a classmate who was upset. What's wrong with her comforting me? She said that she was crazy and that she was an actress. Then, I finally couldn't take it anymore. I said that she was an actress. Then, she argued again and said that we were just wasting time like this. She said that I was fine and then hung up. After calling her for more than ten times, she blocked me. I haven't looked for her for a month now. Was it right for me to do that? Who didn't cherish who? Who missed who?