The question you mentioned is related to Wang Shuo's novel, Diary of a New Madman. The following is a passage from the novel that might help explain what you don't understand: I don't know why I'm alive or what I want to do. I just want to live and let my life continue well. However, this wish made me feel extremely hopeless. I don't know what meaning I have in this world. Everything I do is just a waste of my life. What this meant was that the author did not know what goal he should pursue or what the meaning of his life was. He felt hopeless because he felt that everything he did was just a waste of his life. This may be confusing because the author doesn't seem to have a clear goal or plan, but he really doesn't know what he should do.