Chapter 17: Chapter 17
Harry found himself sitting in defence class with Isabella at his side plus Tracy and Daphne behind him. Lockhart entered and Harry couldn't help roll his eyes as he saw Lockhart walk by a painting of Lockhart making another painting of Lockhart. Harry thought that the man was a bit too clean and happy for someone who has apparently been constantly fighting dark creatures and wizards and he was quite frankly baffled that anybody could think that the man did.
"Well, I guess it is time to see how right you are about him being a useless idiot." Isabella whispered to him
"Do you doubt me?" Harry whispered back while raising an eyebrow.
"Oh no, I just don't know how much of a useless idiot he is."
"I have a feeling that we won't like the answer."
"Look at Granger." Daphne whispered as she gestured to Hermione Granger who was swooning at the very sight of him. Harry wasn't sure if he should pity the man or laugh.
"Let me introduce you to your new defence against the dark arts teacher, me!" Lockhart started with an annoyingly cheerful and happy voice. "Gilderoy Lockhart, order of Merlin, third class. Honorary member of the dark force defence league and five time winner of witch weekly's most charming smile award." Lockhart flashed his bright teeth at the class, he was however a bit surprised when most of the girls didn't even react.
"Are you going to kill him?" Isabella whispered.
"I am getting tempted." Harry admitted.
"But I don't talk about that," Lockhart continued, brushing off the oddness of the girls as them being nervous. "I didn't get rid of the Bandon banshee by smiling at her." He took a moment to laugh at his own joke, even though nobody laughed. "I see you've all brought a complete set of my books, well done. Oh...wait, Mr Potter, how are you?" Lockhart said, greeting him like they were old friends. "It is a pleasure to have you in my class. "Everyone must feel so lucky having two celebrities in the room."
"I am merely a student professor." Harry spoke in a humble manner, one that was endearing him to the other girls if their looks were any indication.
"Come now Harry, no need to be so modest." Lockhart smiled at him. "Perhaps we should talk later, I'm sure you and me will be the best of friends." Lockhart said before he turned around and walked to his desk.
"Hell no." Harry coughed into his hand, only Isabella, Tracy and Daphne were able to hear him.
"I thought we'd start today with a little quiz, nothing to worry about. Just to see how well you've read them and how well you've taken them in"
"Look at this." Tracy said once Lockhart had handed over the test papers and moved far enough away to not hear her. "It's all about him"
"The first question is actually asking about his favourite colour," Isabella said slowly with disbelief in his voice "who...in...the hell...gives...a...shit? My lord please tell me you are going to get rid of him." She begged with her eyes.
"Being the merciful and kind lord that I am I will give him this lesson to prove himself competent enough to stay, after that it'll merely be a matter of how to do it and when I'll do it." Harry replied.
"You have thirty minutes" Lockhart said from the front of the classroom "Begin"
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Lockhart watched the class with disbelief, the students barely seemed to pay him attention. Sure a few like the bushy haired girl did but the rest were uninterested. He understood that the boys were probably jealous of his looks and all of 'his famous achievements' but why weren't the girls interested? As he looked around he noticed something, the girls were interested, just not in him.
He saw their eyes constantly glance towards Harry Potter, that was why! The girls weren't interested in him because they were too busy fawning over Potter! Yes the boy was ridiculously handsome but Lockhart was Lockhart! He should be the one getting all the attention! He supposed he couldn't do much about it now but something had to be done.
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"Tut, tut" Lockhart looked through the finished test results "hardly any of you remembered that my favourite colour is lilac. But Miss Hermione Granger knew that my secret ambition is to rid the world of evil and market my own range of hair care products, good. Well done Miss Granger" He winked at her, she looked ready to faint. and didn't really notice the girls next to her looking at her like she was crazy.
"Merlin please kill me." Harry heard Draco whisper to Nott.
"For once I agree with my brother." Isabella whispered to Harry.
"Now" Lockhart continued, ignorant "perhaps if you'd all like then we can act out a few scenes from the book. Mr Potter, come to the front"
"What?" Harry blinked
"Come up to the front, you can help me act out this scene" Lockhart smiled at Harry, only to be met with a rather intense stare from the boy himself. The stare continued for several moments, maybe even a minute or two, Lockhart found himself feeling extremely uncomfortable under the gaze of the green eyed boy in front of him. Suddenly the gaze changed from one belonging to someone contemplating murder.
"I would sir but I am quite frankly not feeling up to it," Harry said with a convincing cough. "as a matter of fact I plan to go to the hospital wing. Perhaps someone else." Harry suggested, magic discreetly covering his voice.
"W...well...I see that you're not feeling up to it," Lockhart replied, as he suddenly felt like choosing anyone else apart from Harry. "how about another volunteer? Um...Mr Weasley!"
"Me?!" Ron looked at him in shock.
"Yes!" Lockhart smiled "You'll do, you'll do nicely. You're perfect"
"Gay." Isabella coughed, causing those nearby to hold in laughter.
What followed was what Harry would describe as the most brilliantly pathetic thing he had ever seen, horrible and enthusiastic overacting from Lockhart combined with terrible and unenthusiastic underacting from Ron with a ridiculous story. However despite that it was entertaining to watch, Harry was likely to replay this in his head whenever he got bored, in fact he'd probably show it to Ginny as well, she'd likely enjoy it.
"Now," Lockhart said after that insult to acting was over and Ron had returned to his seat with a red face from embarrassment. "be warned, it's my job to arm you against the foulest creatures known to wizard kind, you may find yourself facing your worst fears in this room. Know only, that no harm can befall you, whilst I am here. I must ask you not to scream, it might provoke them!" Lockhart dramatically lifted a cloth off a cage, revealing a cage full of blue pixies.
"Cornish Pixies'?" Seamus Finnegan laughed along with other members of the class.
"Freshly caught Cornish pixies," Lockhart corrected. "laugh if you will Mr Finnegan but Pixies can be devilishly tricky little blighters. Let's see what you make of them" Lockhart opened the cage, allowing the pixies to fly out.
All of a sudden the classroom was in chaos, the pixies flew around and began damaging everything. They ripped books, pulled hair, threw whatever they could. Neville ended up dangling from a chandelier after the pixies painfully dragged him up by his ears. Many of the class began running out of the classroom, Lockhart tried to stop the pixies but one of them snatched his wand. Lockhart ran but stopped at the doorway.
"Could you all round them up please?" Lockhart asked before picking up the painting of him painting himself and rushing out of the door like death was chasing him.
"Get off me!" One student punched one pixie.
"Now what are we supposed to do?" Ron asked as he slapped one away with a book.
"Well, this was not what I expected for our first defence class." Harry calmly admitted, his magical aura kept the pixies from wanting to come near him, Isabella along with Daphne and Tracy were smart enough to realise that and kept near him.
"What on earth was Dumbledore thinking when he was hiring him?" Tracy huffed.
"I like to pretend he was just wondering which applicant would annoy us the most and then chose that one." Daphne replied.
"Possible." Harry said with a thoughtful expression before he sighed and pulled his wand out. "Immobulus." Harry said calmly as he aimed his wand in the air, a spell shot out and soon all chaos in the class was stopped as the pixies found themselves frozen in the air. Harry waved his wand and the pixie all flew back into their cage. "Well...that was fun." Harry said as he got up from his seat. "but I'll be off now."
"But you can't go!" Hermione Granger said.
"Well it seems pointless to stay in classroom when there is no teacher," Harry said as he gestured around the classroom to show that there was no Lockhart. "perhaps not to you miss Granger but it is to me. So if you'll excuse me I have other things to do." With that Harry walked out of the classroom with all of the other Slytherin's gladly following after him and soon the Gryffindor followed as well, even Hermione who only left once there was nobody else left in the classroom.
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Soon rumours spread around the school about how Lockhart had run out of the classroom and how Harry easily dealt with the pixies. Of course Harry had the Slytherin's encourage those rumours, after all he wasn't one to waste the opportunity to look better in the eyes of the public. A few hours after the first rumor there was now rumours about how Lockhart cried when he ran out of the class and apparently Harry had stopped the pixies using one finger and wandless magic.
To be fair Harry could do that but he saw no need to let everyone know that yet. Though one thing that surprised Harry was when he received a letter the next day asking for an interview, he had apparently underestimated the power of the Hogwarts rumor mill as it turned out the rumors had gone past Hogwarts. He supposed it made sense seeing as he had shown up Lockhart and both of them were pretty big names in the wizarding world. He had sent a letter back saying he would have the interview tomorrow.
The day of the interview Harry woke up to the beautiful sight of a fully nude Tonks walking out of his private bathroom.
"Your bathroom is cleaner, better, brighter and bigger than my actual room at home." Tonks said in a jealous tone.
"Well I don't settle for anything less than the best, that's why you're with me after all." Harry grinned but made no effort to get up.
"Flatterer," She grinned as she walked up to him, a bit slower and with more sway in her hips than necessary. "So do you have any plans today?." She asked as she bent at the waist and placed her hands on the bed, making sure to thrust her chest out.
"Yes actually," Harry said as he performed the major miracle of keeping his eyes firmly on hers. "I have an interview later today, it'll be done in a private room in the three broomsticks in Hogsmeade."
"Oh I've been there before, I know the owner Rosmerta but she lets me call her Rosie. I reckon when you go you'll probably want to add her into your little harem, she's quite the looker."
"Maybe," Harry said with a small smirk. "anyway it'll be done with a reporter called Rita Skeeter."
"I've heard about her, apparently she's a right bitch who is fond of ruining careers and lives."
"Hmm, would you say she deserves punishment?"
"What sort do you have in mind?" Tonks grinned, knowing exactly what he had in mind.
"I'm sure you can guess."
"You know you'll have to ask permission to leave for Hogsmeade."
"I've already got permission," Harry grinned. "I asked Professor McGonagall."
"How did you convince her?" Tonks raised an eyebrow.
"My parents were some of her favourite students and I know how to be charming." Harry winked at her while wondering how long it would take for Dumbledore to find out.
"That you do," She grinned before suddenly standing up straight. "wait there, I have a surprise for you." She said before going back into the bathroom and closed the door.
"Oh and what is that?" Harry asked from his position on the bed.
"Well you're one of the few people who have accepted me for me, and don't want to use me just for my abilities. So I want to give you a reward." Tonks said from inside the bathroom. "I'm going to change my form for you today."
"Tonks," Harry sighed. "you don't need to do that for me, I'll still like you if you don't."
"I know...but I want to." Her voice replied, much quieter than usual and without her usual cheer.
"Well...in that case...bring it on." Harry replied with a small smile.
"Just a sec." Tonks said before the door opened. "What do you think?" Harry's eyes widened as slightly as he saw Tonk's leaning against the door frame in her new form, one which happened to be a real life Jessica Rabbit with the exact same dress, arm gloves and high heels.
"Wow...but also really?" Harry said, raising an eyebrow.
"Well...I have heard that boys like this form..." She said in a perfect copy of the actual character's voice as her hands travelled from her face down to her hips before she seductively walked over to Harry. "Do you not like it?" She asked as she stopped just before his bed.
"I didn't say that." Harry grinned. "I'm always up for new experiences."
"Oh honey...this'll be an experience."
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Harry currently found himself sitting in a private room with only a table between him and none other than infamous daily prophet reporter Rita Skeeter.. Harry had made sure to do his research on the woman, she had ended careers using nothing but her quill, parchment and the power of suggestion along with a surprisingly good ability to find out secrets. However Harry worked out how she was able to do that the second he was in the room with her, she may have been able to hide her animagus ability from the world but she could not hide her magic from him.
Harry looked at the woman, she was dressed all in green and upon first glance she was not a completely attractive woman if you discounted her body. Her blonde hair was set in elaborate curls that contrasted oddly with her heavy-jawed face. She wore jewelled spectacles studded with rhinestones, and had thick fingers ending in two-inch nails, painted crimson. Her blonde curls were curiously rigid, suggesting it was styled with the magical equivalent of hairspray. In addition, she had penciled-on eyebrows and three gold teeth, as well as large, masculine hands with bright scarlet painted fingernails like claws or talons.
Though Harry knew better, Rita didn't see him flick his finger and she did not notice him removing her glamour charms. Once the glamour's were gone Harry took a proper look at her. Her hands, while still having the crimson nails, were more feminine. Her face was pretty enough, no rotting teeth or big jaw or anything else that Harry considered unattractive. Her hair was still blonde and curly, though the difference between before and now were very obvious as she looked like a completely different person from the previous unattractive mess.
"So Harry," She said with a smile that could be described as 'predatory'. "Tell me about yourself?" She asked as her quill and notepad floated in the air.
"I was under the impression that this interview was about Gilderoy Lockhart and his inability to each." Harry said, raising an eyebrow at her.
"And we will get to that," She replied. "but first we should let the readers know more about you."
"And you plan to do that with a quick quote quill?" Harry said, as he looked at the notepad and quill.
"Now Harry, I assure you that there is nothing you need to worry about." She said but Harry knew she was lying as the quill was already writing stuff about him that wasn't true.
"Miss Skeeter, I know that I won't need to worry." Harry clicked his fingers, the quill and notepad burst into flames. Skeeter screamed in shock and jumped to her feet, not that Harry was worried as the room was locked and silenced so he didn't worry about anyone overhearing. "
"What did you do?!" She demanded as she looked at the burnt ashes of her quill and note pad.
"Sit down." Harry said calmly.
"Don't tell me what to do! You burnt my..."
"Sit...down!" Harry said in a strong voice covered with magic and Rita Skeeter found herself sitting down before she could even think. "That is better, now first of all Miss Skeeter do not treat me like a child and do not treat me like any of those other boring politicians you so enjoy ruining. you are not in control here, I am, and you shall take the time to answer my questions. Firstly, have you realised that your glamour charms are gone?" Harry asked as a mirror appeared in his hand, he tossed it to Rita who gasped when she saw that her real face had been revealed.
"H...how?" She whispered with disbelief, shock and more than a little fear.
"You shouldn't underestimate me." Harry smirked as the mirror disappeared. "Now why do you feel the need to wear glamour charms? Most people use them to look better or disguise themselves as someone else yet you made yourself look like an uglier version of yourself."
"And if I don't tell you?" She asked, wondering what his response would be.
"I would rip the answers out of your mind." Harry said calmly.
"You can do that?!" Her eyes widened.
"Easily." Harry shrugged. "Now I advise you to hurry up and answer before I lose my patience and do exactly that, I'd hurry up because I'm not sure how gentle I would be. The mind is a delicate thing Miss Skeeter."
"A...after Hogwarts...I took a few years travelling abroad, I didn't have any friends or family. When I was out of the country I heard about these muggle superhero characters that hide their identities behind masks. I figured that I could hide myself behind a fake face, as far as most people are concerned I always looked the way I looked or I changed on my travels. This way I have a face to go with all of the hate I get from politicians, if I want to go out for day to day stuff then I just go back to my regular face. The glamour charms I used are made from a special charm I learnt abroad, nobody can see through them, not even Dumbledore. How did you?"
"Quite an interesting tail, as for how I saw through your charm I will simply say I have a few special talents of my own, in fact it's the same way I know about you being an animagus." Harry said, causing Rita to pale. "Now Miss Skeeter, tell me what you desire?" Harry asked, his eyes flashing green.
"I...I want money and f...fame...I want good stories and..."
"I know what you want," Harry cut her off, he had read her mind and discovered it as he had gotten impatient. "newsflash,you work for me now."
"What?!"
"Don't mistake me, you'll still work for the prophet but you'll also work for me. You'll write the stories I want when I want them and you'll rise and soon you'll be acknowledged a one of the best reporters of all time."
"Really?" She said, her eyes gleamed as she imagined it. She never thought about why she took him for his word. "And if I agree?" She asked, her eyes briefly flashing green before returning to blue.
"Then I will reward you." Harry said.
"And if I don't?" She asked.
"Stand," Harry said and Rita found herself standing before she could even think about it. "hands on the table." Harry ordered. Rita bent over slightly as her hands quickly found the table, she looked from her hands to where Harry was and blinked in shock when he was no longer there. "Well Miss Skeeter," Her eyes widened and her heart rate shot up when she heard him from behind. She tried to move but found her body was stuck in place. "I'll have to punish you." He said.
Rita gasped as she felt her clothes disappear, soon she was left in nothing but her high heels and a black bra. She gasped again when she felt a hand slap her hard on the behind, the hand slowly slid up her back until it roughly grabbed her by the hair and pulled.
"Let me give you a preview."
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An hour later Rita was left panting heavily as she lay on the floor with no clothes on, she sat up and looked around before he realised that Harry Potter was no longer there. She glanced to her right and saw her clothes folded up neatly along with a small bundle plus a note on top of it.
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The next day Harry grinned at breakfast as he read the headlines.
Lockhart: Hero or fraud!
With that he realised he would have to reward her.
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